"Pain Is Inevitable; Suffering Is Optional..."
"Pain Is Inevitable; Suffering Is Optional..." (Quote attributed mostly to Haruki Murakami)
Unfortunately, this summer hasn’t started out so well. The first week involved me admitting my sixteen year old son to a detox hospital for three days. Not fun. And he’s doing better and working towards wellness, but it’s a road I wish he didn’t have to travel.
Thank heavens for my family, my practice, and all of you to keep me present and whole.
I’ve also been blessed to have a really fun book series that I can escape into when I don’t want to have to feel all my feelings (or any of them). This series of novels called the Orphan X series by Gregg Horwitz was thrust upon me by a friend who shares my passion for reading, but who generally likes a different genre of novel than I do. You see, I generally eschew the garden variety thriller. But my friend was very persistent (and just wouldn’t shut up!) about these books so I gave it a shot and am glad I did.
I promise no spoilers. The main character, Evan Smoak, comes off as one cool cat. When he’s not out kicking butt simply to use his “bad-assery” to save one poor soul at a time, he meditates, eats from his living wall and uses the Eastern wisdom traditions for inspiration. He’s my kind of guy.
I really like the books and wasn’t surprised to find the inspiration for this post from Evan Smoak’s enlightened mentor: “Pain is inevitable; Suffering is optional.”
Clearly, everyone suffers- and everyone poops. We just don’t post about it on social media. Seriously though, it's part of the human condition. But is it optional like the quote suggests?
Suffering or Dukkha in Sanskrit has many causes and is discussed at length in the Four Noble Truths of both Hinduism and Buddhism and is also discussed in The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali Chapter 2.15. All of these wisdom traditions talk at length about why we suffer and all of them suggest that one main reason for suffering is our inability to live in reality. We suffer when we relive the painful memories or perceptions of the past, when we bring our past conditioning into the present moment, and when we fear the future (aka: anxiety).
We might experience many painful moments in life, we can practice presence so that we don’t have to relive them. While we can skillfully act and do our best each moment, no one has a crystal ball to see what the future holds. Clearly COVID-19 became a marvelous teacher of this point.
Jon Kabot-Zinn, is known as the father of the Western term mindfulness which simply means being present without judgement. Of course, this new term has old origins in the traditions of yoga and meditation which Kabot-Zinn studied extensively. He made this term mindfulness famous by successfully treating patients with chronic pain. These patients reduced their pain, their fear of pain, and also realized that even with chronic pain, there are moments of peace and ease that can only appreciated with presence.
When we choose to question our inner dialogue about the past and future we also have the potential to reduce suffering. One of the practices I employ daily to suffer less is to ask myself a simple question when I start to feel myself going down into the pit of despair. It’s this. What would this moment be like without this painful thought? I learned it from Byron Katie. At a minimum, it helps me find presence and clarity. Usually, I snap out of it and even find it funny. Oh the places that lying mind wants to lead me!
Every day, I practice the art of not suffering any more than I have to. It’s kind of like my practice around laundry- I only do it when I have to. I use all my tools of yoga asana and meditation and communion with people who let me shine on and reflect back the light of collective consciousness. Pain most certainly is unavoidable, but I wish you the best success on your practice of keeping suffering “optional”.
Namaste,
Krista
